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Death Spiral, Daniel Jackson

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If you’re wondering why I do these things (reviews and pointless paintings), there are two reasons.

1) I don’t like to sleep (really)
2) I also do this to make you feel better about yourself: “Wow, a bigger loser than me! I do feel better” I hear you say.


I’ve never speed painted before. The above is a speed drawing/painting done without reference (which is why the only two gate symbols that are correct are Earth and Abydos). So don’t judge me too harshly (recall I don’t do humans!).

Anyway...I was bored tonight so I decided to put a mystery to rest...just how many times has Daniel died?

I give you: Death Spiral...




Death Spiral


Alright, I think that this is a list that has to be made, and I think I’m the only one out there with what it takes to make it (it takes having *no* life, and an irritatingly good memory...I swear there are only three or four episodes that I’ve seen more than once).

If I’ve missed any of Daniel’s deaths, please let me know, I’ll add it and post your name next to it (and then I will gladly help you enter the Witness Protection Program to help you hide from the shame).

Catprog sent me to Widipkeia <sp?> that has a simmilar list. They have less death, but a few that I don't have, so I'm adding them...




“Flatliners”

These are the best of the best of Daniel’s deaths. These are the *real* heart stoppers...literally.

1) The Nox.

Daniel doesn’t even make it through half a season before his first true death (granted the rest of the team is also slaughtered).

Cause of death: Staff weapon blast to the chest (ouch).

Cause of resurrection: Nox Know-how.


2) Need.

One could argue that Daniel might not have actually died in this one. But I say that this episode belongs on the list anyway. I mean the last time I checked having one’s ribs crushed by several tons of stone is most certainly fatal.

Cause of death: Not getting his ass in gear quickly enough and getting caught in a mine shaft cave in.

Cause of resurrection: Damn those sarcophagus are useful! In this case it ends up being a little too useful... (point of debate: how in the world did he manage to get out of the leather restraints? The camera pans away and *poof* an act of prestidigitation that Houdini himself would be proud of).



3) The Light

This episode was a touch awkward for me to watch because the kid running around alone on the planet was named Lauren (actually the male spelling is Loren) and that happens to be my name as well. Since it’s not commonly used as a character name in movies/TV I’m not used to hearing it.

Actually, I’m not used to hearing my name in general, I don’t know why but very few people in my life address me by name.

It’s not that I have a nickname or anything, it’s just that no one tends to use my name to get my attention (maybe because ‘Hey, you!’ works so well one me).

And WITHOUT FAIL the first time I ever tell anyone my name they instantly say ‘Laura?’. No, no, a thousand times no. ‘EN’, LaurEN! Get it right! I don’t have a speech impediment and I don’t mumble when I say my name because I KNOW you’re going to get it wrong!!

I’m sorry...this isn’t about me...back to my point:

Cause of death: Sever withdrawal from some sort of ‘ray drug’. Daniel goes Code Blue just as the team figures out that he needs to be near the light machine on some alien planet...sadly they did not figure this out until *after* the entire team of SG-whoever dies.

Cause of resurrection: Jack giving him a tactful slap to the face after returning him to the planet (I guess I took that 4 hour CPR class for nothing, who knew you could kick start a heart with a bitch slap?)



4) Meridian/Fallen

Perhaps the most famous death of all. This episode actually brought up a very good issue of human euthanasia. If I thought for one second human euthanasia wouldn’t be misused I’d be all for it. However I can see it being *heavily* abused. Sigh.

Cause of death: Radiation poisoning. (I’d love to add something witty and funny here, but it’s a hard to make light of this one...however see the ‘resurrection’ for amusing comments)

Cause of resurrection: Apparently the Ancients have a way of cloning and they leave Daniel naked with amnesia in a field on a strange planet (you can’t tell *me* that the Ancients don’t have a sense of humour, this is a classic college prank. I mean I know I’ve woken up with little in the way of memory, naked, in an unfamiliar city. Honestly, who hasn’t? But it must be even more of a shock to wake up on a totally different *planet*).



5) Reckoning/Threads

I’m going to admit this was one of the more creative deaths. It made me laugh...which probably wasn’t what they were going for. I’m just sad that Replicator Sam died as well, she kicked ass.

Cause of death: Replicator Sam’s sword to the chest.

Cause of resurrection: The Ancients let him out of this death with just a written warning. They dropped him off naked once again, but were nice enough to leave him in Jack’s office and not, oh I don’t know...on the briefing room table. Of course if they were *actually* on his side wouldn’t they have dropped him off at home?


*********


“Seeing Double...but not for long.”

These are all the of the victims of various time traveling adventures, alternate realities, and ‘copies’ of Daniel’s personality that end up getting iced.



6) There but for the Grace of God

Daniel finds himself in some sort of alternate Universe. While looking at a map of the world that shows what the Gou’ald have destroyed Daniel reasons that his ‘other’ self would have most likely been on a dig in Egypt and is therefore dead.

Cause of death: Rays of doom from the Gou’ald above.



7) Window of Opportunity

Argue this one if you must. However in the open scene when Daniel questions Malikai about what he is doing with Time Device Malikai shoots in the chest with some form of weapon.

Cause of death: Yet another chest wound...someone get this boy a Kevlar jacket.


8) 2010

Cause of death: I can’t remember if he’s shot with a conventional weapon or killed by the odd ‘laser’ defense system (Lasers? Clearly it must be The Future!). However a future version of Daniel is killed while trying to get a message to the past through the Gate.


9) Holiday

Okay so this is one that you could argue as well. Daniel doesn’t die, however Ma’chello does. And correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that Michael Shanks played Ma’chello so as far as I’m concerned this is yet another victim of the Stargate writers that belongs on this list.

Cause of death: Extreme age (when 300 year old you reach, look as good you will not <insert Yoda ‘urum!’ here>;).


10) Double Jeopardy

Cause of death: Decapitation from staff weapon wielded by Cronus. This was the Tin Man version of Daniel. I believe they killed him off here so that he could direct the episode (his ‘real’ self was conveniently on vacation or off world or taking a nap...I don’t remember exactly what he was supposed to be up to).


11-13) Avatar

I can’t remember how many times Teal’c ‘kills’ Daniel once he entered the game, but I’d say at least three is a good guess.

Cause of death: Teal’c.


14-15) Moebius

This one is a two for one special if you think about it. Actually it’s best not to really think about this episode too hard. There were enough paradoxes in this one to freeze time forever.

Cause of death I: The alternate present Daniel/Gou’ald (an English as a second language teacher... “My name is Rico, and you make me so hot”;) is first shot by Teal’c with a staff weapon and then shot several times in the chest with a more conventional weapon.

Cause of death II: Unknown. The original Daniel that traveled back in time is left stranded in 3000 bc, one must assume that he died eventually. Actually this ‘version’ of Daniel probably ended up being the happiest one. No longer having to worry about fighting the Gou’ald he probably settled down and married some Egyptian woman worth her weight in goats...


********



“MIA PD”

Miami International Airport Police Department? No, rather Missing In Action, Presumed Dead. Since Daniel is clearly prone to getting himself killed it doesn’t take much for his friends to assume he’s managed it once again.

Let’s go right to the source to begin this one.


16) Stargate the Movie/Children of the Gods

In order to give Daniel a chance at a life on Abydos Jack informs the Military that he has died so that the IRS doesn’t go looking for him for those five years in back taxes that Jackson owes them.


17) Fire and Water

Believing that Daniel holds the secrets of Babylon an undersea creature plants false memories into the rest of team’s minds that Daniel died in a fire storm of some sort.

Daniel manages not to drown because for some odd reason this sea creature has gone to great lengths to build himself an underwater home that is conveniently filled with air (if you want air and water, wouldn’t living on a boat be easier...or more to the point: if you can breath water, why bother with air at all in you house? Resale value?)


18) The Serpent’s Lair

I guess ‘no man left behind’ doesn’t count in this episode. Granted the fate of the entire Earth is at stake. However when Daniel’s shot and demands to be left on Apophis’s ship he is considered dead by the team after they manage to blow the ship up.

Daniel however isn’t going down that easily. Using the sarcophagus (once again: damn those things are useful) and the Gate on the ship he manages an escape that even James Bond would be proud of.


19) Out of Mind

Being told that they are 70-some-odd years into the future Jack, Sam, and Daniel all believe each other to be dead. He manages not to die...but he does end up with a staff weapon blast to the thigh.

Of course if we were to add injuries to this list it would quickly get (more) out of hand.

Injuries off the top of my head: multiple gun shot wounds (chest (many times), shoulder, leg), staff weapon blasts to the back, chest, shoulder, and leg, more zat gun stunnings than can be counted, dislocated/broken shoulder (at least twice: once from an pissed off android, once from being thrown violently through the gate), tortured by both Earth and Alien technology, oh and he’s has had his mind scrambled by the Gou’ald Hand Device so many times that at one point he actually admits to “getting used to it”.

He's also knocked unconscious easier than a Fainting Goat and has been invaded by other ‘;personality’ more times than Madonna has changed her hair colour.

ADDITION: My DA friend Jonas has just informed me that Daniel has also had his apendix removed...

ANYWAY...moving on (almost done).


20) Beneath the Surface

Although working as a slave underground along with the rest of the team, Hammond has been told that the entire team has wandered outside (because the weather was so nice), gotten lost in the frozen wasteland, and must be dead.


Additions that I missed:

21) Rules of Engament

'Killed' by War Game gun. Later when sitting up he and the others are told "Hey, you can't sit up...you're dead!"

22) Stargate Moive

I forgot that he was actually killed in the movie with a staff weapon while protecting Jack.



**********


Well that’s all I can think of at the moment. And of course this doesn’t include seasons 9 or 10. Let’s just pretend for a moment that he managed to keep alive through the episodes I haven’t seen. So, that’s about 20 deaths out of 200 shows.

Let’s do the math...carry the three...divide by zero...that means that Daniel dies 10% of the time.

And that’s even on the lean side because he wasn’t even around to kill for an entire season.

I wonder what the Hazard Pay is like for those kinds of odds...



If you've read this far I hope you've had fun!!
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